Humor: Advice for Graduates

As graduation season is upon us, I figured I'd throw my hat into the ring and offer up some advice for graduates about to enter the real world.

1.  Learn Chinese.  China owns us already.  You'll be a step ahead of the competition if you can speak their language.


2.  Maintain a good relationship with your parents.  With this economy and job market, you'll likely be moving back in with them at some point.  Stay on their good side.

3.  Don't go back to grad school because you can't find a job now.  You'll just end up with a couple more letters after your name, thousands more in student loan debt, and still no job.

4.  Don't take months off to travel and "find yourself."  The answer to that question is a life-long journey.  You're not going to find it backpacking through Western Europe.  Of course, if you are a trust fund baby or have extensive financial resources, this list isn't for you anyway. 

5.  Buy stock in Kraft Foods (NYSE ticker KFT) and Nissin Foods (Tokyo Stock Exchange ticker 2897).  Since most of you will be dirt poor for many years, sales of Kraft mac and cheese and Ramen noodles (made by Nissin) should be very strong for years to come.  Let what little money you have work for you.

6.  Grow up. You managed to avoid life for about 22 years now.   Ready or not, life will come at you with a vengeance now.

7.  If things don't work out in your field, consider a career in meteorology.  Think about it.  It's a fantasy career.  It's the only career where you can be wrong all the time and are never held accountable.

8.  Have fun.