Humor: Translations for What We Say Into What We Really Mean

Sometimes we say exactly what we mean.  But many times we don't.  Sometimes it's because of political correctness and other times it's because we don't want to get into trouble.  Here's a few "translations" I came up with that show what we REALLY mean.  Many are office environment-related.  I hope it gives you a laugh during your crazy, hectic day.  I'll periodically add some new ones to the list.  If you have any you'd like to add, feel free to add in the comments section.  Enjoy!


"I need someone who can come in and hit the ground running."
Translation:  I don't plan to spend any time training you, so you better be able to figure it out yourself.


"When will you have that report finished?"
Translation:  I want that report now.


"I had a great time!"
Translation:  I can't wait to post this on Facebook!


"Your call is very important to us."
Translation:  Get comfortable.  It’s going to be awhile.


"I'm very direct and to the point.  Don't take it personal."
Translation:  I thoroughly enjoy being a real jerk whenever possible.


"I'm very thorough."
Translation:  I'm as anal as it gets.


"Happy Holidays!"
Translation:  I guess we can't say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanzaa anymore because someone will inevitably feel offended or left out.


(When asked a question on a conference call) "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? You were breaking up."
Translation:  Sorry, I totally wasn't paying attention.


"I haven't been able to get to that yet."
Translation:  That is so far down on my priority list.  It's not even on my radar.


"I already paid that bill.  Can you re-check your records?"
Translation:  #!$&*#!$*!!


(When someone invites you to an event) "Let me check my schedule and I'll let you know."
Translation:  That sounds like fun, but I'm going to wait to see if something better comes along before I commit.


"I can't seem to find your e-mail.  Could you re-send it?"
Translation:  I'm so sorry, but my organizational skills are awful.


(Dentist during appointment) "Have you been flossing?"
Translation:  Clearly, I can tell you haven't been flossing.


(From significant other) "Don't buy me flowers.  They are a total waste of money."
Translation:  It would still be nice to get flowers every now and then.


"I'm kind of busy right now.  Could you come back later?"
Translation:  GO AWAY!!


(When someone at work announces they are leaving for another job) "It's such a great opportunity.  I just couldn't pass it up."
Translation:  I just couldn't take my overbearing boss and the dysfunctional culture of this company anymore!


"Just sayin."
Translation:  I know you may not want or care for my opinion, but I'm giving it to you anyway.


"Can you give me a little more direction on this?"
Translation:  I'm not a freakin' mind reader!  What the heck do you want?!


"The system I'm supporting is going to be retired soon."
Translation:  Please let me know if you find any job leads for me.


"We've had a lot of systems issues lately."
Translation:  I have no idea what's causing this problem.


"This will just take a second."
Translation:  I don't really care what you're working on now.  Just help me with my problem now.


"It is what it is."
Translation:  Can we just move on already.


"We have leveraged opportunities to reorganize the work."
Translation:  We eliminated a few positions and got rid of some deadweight.


"It's a paycheck."
Translation:  If I ever win the lottery, I will be out of here in a heartbeat!"


(Announcing someone is leaving the company) "He wants to spend more time with his family."
Translation:  He was fired.


(Introducing new employee) "We look forward to the fresh, new perspective that Jane Doe will bring to the organization."
Translation:  She was the only person willing to accept our bottom of the barrel salary offer.


(Group lingering in conference room at the scheduled start time of your meeting) "You guys wrapping up soon?"
Translation:  Get the heck out now so I can start my meeting!!


"That's how I'd do it."
Translation:  That's how you should do it.


(Interview question) "Are you flexible in responding to changing demands?"
Translation:  I change my mind all the time so I need to be sure you are OK with that.